just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
