I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
