I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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