you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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