You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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