Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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