you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
