How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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