Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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