Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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