i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize