He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
