I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize