Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
