why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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