"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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