does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
