There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
