these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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