I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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