I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
