What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
