the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
