You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
