God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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