I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
