Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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