yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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