Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
