I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
