When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
