THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
