it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
whose ass print is on the piano?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
