Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
