A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
