I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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