i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
