I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
