Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
