She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is Oprah even human
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
