we made out on top of his cat.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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