I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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