whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
