Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
