I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
