I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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