Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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