everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
