So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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