Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so explain again why im purple
no
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
