I wish my penis had an off switch
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
