This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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