I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
