We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
