its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
