ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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