Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
