So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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