Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
