i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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