theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
