You can't motorboat a personality
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
