I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
