Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
