fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
