I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize