Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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