we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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