woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize