I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
